It’s time for us to get better at setting healthy boundaries!
I feel like I spent most of my thirties unlearning toxic habits and then learning to set healthy boundaries. It’s been challenging for me, but thanks to my therapist, I’m finally starting to notice my growth and how I’ve been showing up for myself by setting healthy boundaries and honoring them.
Why is setting healthy boundaries so important?
When I first started on my self-care journey, I realized that one of the main factors contributing to my stress was not having boundaries in place. I’ve been good at shutting people out or separating myself from them, but that was a toxic practice that would make me prematurely sever people from my life. Having relationships with people I love is important to me so I had to figure out how to set boundaries in those relationships.
Setting boundaries forces me to have difficult conversations, share my feelings, and say no when something doesn’t work for me. It also helps me give people in my life to do the same and express what works for them. This even includes my children, who I encourage to set healthy boundaries too.
Say what you mean and mean what you say!
It’s hard to set boundaries when you don’t always speak your truth! I had a professor in grad school who always said, “Say what you mean, and mean what you say!” and he would follow that up with, “Most people don’t.” At the time, I understood what he meant, but until I started trying to establish my boundaries, I realize that this practice isn’t easy and most people really don’t. I found that people were happy when I didn’t establish boundaries with them but were quick to set their boundaries. This would cause me distress, but I’ve learned to express myself even when it feels weird so that I can be my full self.
Boundaries on social media
One of the things that I’ve realized over the years is that people are a bit more daring on social media than in real life. They will overstep your boundaries in ways that they would never in real life. Setting boundaries on social media for me includes unfollowing, blocking, deleting disrespectful comments, and letting people know I’m not seeking unsolicited advice (many people don’t understand the concept of venting), muting, or deleting the apps from my phones.
Also, it’s important to keep your boundaries consistent in real life and online.
Remember setting healthy boundaries will improve your life.
Setting boundaries will be hard at times, especially with your loved ones but keep in mind that you will improve your life and overall happiness. Sometimes we have to do difficult things to get to live the way we desire.
Healthy boundaries will make you a better mom, partner, friend and family member.
Adanna Dill
Also, don’t be one-sided! Encourage your friends and family to set boundaries too, so everyone will be happy.
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